#1.  Talk about SEX!

Sexually healthy people are comfortable communicating their sexual desires and concerns.  They feel comfortable enough to share their most intimate and vulnerable feelings about sex.  This includes taking risks like talking about things that don't please you or maybe how you'd like your partner to touch you a different way.  Or telling them that you'd really like to try something new and different without fear.  Perhaps you'd like to try spanking.  Could you ask your partner right now?  If you said no, consider that something is missing in this aspect of your relationship.  Think about what is stopping you and explore that further.  Men have told me "...but she is my wife of 20 years... the mother of my children... how could I ask her to spank me after all this time?"  How you do it is you just do it!  You take a risk to know her in a way you don't know her and for her to know you in a way she doesn't know you.  People cannot read each others mind when it comes to sex so open communication is the key for the ultimate satisfaction!

#2.  Maintain physical health

Optimal physical health is a critical component!  According to the World Health Organization:

"...Obesity has reached epidemic proportions globally, with more than 1 billion adults overweight - at least 300 million of them clinically obese...  Obesity and overweight pose a major risk for serious diet-related chronic diseases, including type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hypertension and stroke, and certain forms of cancer. The health consequences range from increased risk of premature death, to serious chronic conditions that reduce the overall quality of life."

Sexually satisfied people have a healthy body they are able to utilize for sex!  I am not saying if you are obese or have cancer you cannot be sexually satisfied.  Of course you can!  What I am saying is that it's a critical factor in many things that will make a difference in sexual satisfaction.  Obesity, the size of one's body, self-esteem and sex are all interelated - if you're uncomfortable with your body sex will be uncomfortable.  If you're diseased and not physically agile you probably won't pop your lover on top of the washing machine and have sex!  Keeping your body healthy also includes being tested for sexually transmitted diseases and communicating with your partner.  Your cardiovascular health is also important so you have the endurance for sexual activity.  Most people are not perfectly healthy these days.   All there is to do is to look at this area of your life and start addressing things which might look like going to the gym today or not having ice cream after dinner!

 #3.  Masturbate

People that are comfortable with their own bodies make better partners and report higher levels of sexual satisfaction.  This is especailly true for women.  Women who self-stimulate have more satisfying sex lives because they understand their bodies and desires.  This in turn allows them to communicate their needs to a partner.  It's hard to expect that another person will know how to turn you on if you don't know how to turn yourself on!  Start slow if you're uncomfortable with this and try more than once if the first time didn't do it for you.  If it goes against your grain for some reason (I knew a 40 year old man who admitted he had never masturbated in his entire life because it was against his religious beliefs) then consider alternative activities to explore your anatomy!

#4.  Emotional vulnerability

People who make themselves emotional vulnerable have higher levels of sexual satisfaction.  Being emotional vulnerable means taking a risk to be hurt or experience rejection from another person.  It also means being available to take in the good and loving experiences.  Partners can feel when the other person isn't "all the way there" or present in the relationship emotionally.  Although you can participate in intimacy this way it will not be fulfilling for either partner.  It would be like getting all ready to go swimming and just putting your big toe in the water.  That does not mean every one is ready to leap off the high dive!  Some people may need to start in the baby pool or shallow end.  Others are comfortable in the deep end.  The important thing is to be willing to get into the pool at all.  There is an old saying ... the greater the hurt the greater the love.  Wouldn't you rather have the whole intense experience versus just a toe in the water?

#5.  Variety & Experimentation

Variety is the spice of life my friends!  Imagine you only ate oatmeal for breakfast, a turkey sandwhich for lunch and a chicken salad for dinner for the rest of your life.  That's it except maybe once in a while you switched from ranch to Italian dressing.  That is BORING!  Who wants to eat the same thing all the time?  No one and this is also true for sex!  Almost everyone wants to try something new they might just be scared, not able to communicate or just don't know what to do!  Solving this is easy you just need to be willing to push your own envelope.  First and foremost you should talk about what you'd like to do and find out what your partner wants.  Gather this information over time and just store it for future use.  Next, just pick one and do it!  If your partner can't tell you what they want then you pick something to try.  Push your own comfort limits so you can experience things in a new way as well!  It might be something as simple as a new position or an elaborate fantasy.  Wear new lingerie, surprise her with a picnic, hire a baby sitter, buy a sex book, visit a sex store, watch a video together - the possibilities are endless!  The important thing is to just go for it!

#6.  You DECIDE...